After the Storm: Reconnecting to Yourself Post-Breakup or Divorce

Life after a breakup or divorce can feel like standing in the wreckage of a storm. The pieces of what you thought your life would be are scattered, and it’s easy to feel lost amidst the debris.

I know this intimately. I’ve been divorced, once believing (naively) that I’d married the love of my life. Years later, I lost not just a partner but my best friend—someone who had been a constant in my life. The person I had believed to be building a future with, who I had trusted deeply, was suddenly gone—not only from my life but from the conversations, rituals, and shared values I thought we held. I wanted to navigate the loss consciously, to meet it with understanding and care, but I wasn’t met in a way that allowed me to honour it—through ritual, counselling, or mediation, in the ways I valued. That let down was its own kind of grief.

The hardest part wasn’t just the end of the relationship—it was losing the person who had once been my closest confidant. The daily conversations that explored every thought and curiosity, the shared laughter, the excitement of learning together—all of it vanished. It wasn’t just the absence of a person; it was the absence of being seen in a way I had once cherished. There were moments I hit milestones I had once hoped they would be proud of, and the loss echoed in the spaces where the support I’d once hoped for used to be.

I know some people have it even harder; divorce and breakups can unravel in ways we never imagined.

There was no single turning point, no grand moment of realisation or relief. But… life has a way of offering small, quiet anchors. At a retreat only mere months after, I met a group of incredible women who held me in my loss and the realisations I’d had about the unhealthy elements of my relationship, not by trying to fix it but simply by being there. Their friendship became a foundation I still stand on today, a reminder that even when one connection ends, others can rise to meet you.

Reconnecting to myself happened in the intense immersive moments like retreats, and also in the small spaces. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but a slow, steady process. Repetitive reconnection practices, rebuilding my confidence, prioritising my health—all of it layered over time, shaping a version of me who felt whole again. Somatic work and self-pleasure weren’t just about healing; they were about reclaiming my body, my joy, my ability to feel alive in my own skin without needing someone else to validate it.

Some grief never fully disappears—like an old habit, resurfacing unexpectedly years later. Even now, there are moments when I think of an inside joke and instinctively want to share it, before remembering that reaching out wouldn’t be healthy. The loss still lingers, not in a way that consumes me, but in those quiet moments of remembering. I take these moments now as a testament to the devotion and hope I’d held, rather than the loss I experienced. And maybe that’s just what grief is—something we learn to live alongside rather than erase.

If you’re navigating your own storm, I see you.

Start small. Breathe deeply. Place a hand on your heart. Ask yourself: what would feel nourishing today?

The path to reconnection doesn’t happen all at once, but every small step matters. Over time, these small acts of self-care accumulate, rebuilding a sense of self that feels steady, whole, and empowered. Healing isn’t about rushing to a finish line; it’s about allowing yourself to be present with each step, trusting that clarity and renewal will unfold naturally. There will be moments of deep sadness, of uncertainty, of loneliness—but these feelings are part of the process, not signs that you’re failing. Each sensation, each emotion is an invitation back into yourself, back into a life that is fully your own.

Perhaps the most powerful realisation is this:

You are not starting over. You are returning home—to yourself.

And that is the most profound kind of rebuilding there is.

Starting over can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you're navigating a breakup or divorce and rediscovering who you are, I’m here to support you. Reach out if you're ready to reconnect with yourself in a whole new way.

If you're struggling and need immediate support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional service. In Australia, you can contact Lifeline at 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au for 24/7 crisis support.