The Missing Link in Pleasure: Why Your Body Needs Safety to Experience More Sensation
For many, sexual pleasure is something to be pursued, something to achieve. But what if the key to deeper pleasure is not about pushing harder or performing better, but about creating safety and relaxation in the body? The truth is, without a regulated nervous system and a sense of safety, our bodies can’t fully engage in the sensory experiences of pleasure—especially sexual pleasure.
Our nervous systems play a crucial role in how we experience sensation. When we’re stressed, anxious, or in fight-or-flight mode, our bodies become hypervigilant, shutting down our capacity to experience pleasure. For many high-achieving women who carry the weight of responsibilities, this state of heightened alertness is common. Without safety and regulation, pleasure feels elusive, and sex becomes a performance rather than an embodied, sensual experience.
Understanding the Nervous System’s Role in Pleasure
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is divided into two key branches: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) controls our "fight or flight" responses, while the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is responsible for "rest and digest." For many women, especially those juggling careers, family, and personal obligations, the SNS is often in overdrive, leaving the PNS underactive. When the body is in a constant state of alertness, it is difficult—if not impossible—to relax into pleasure.
This is where somatic practices come in. Somatics, which focus on body awareness and regulation, teach us how to tap into the parasympathetic nervous system to restore balance. Through practices like breathwork, movement, and body scanning, somatic techniques help you reconnect with your body and begin to foster a sense of safety and trust.
Research on the Nervous System and Pleasure:
In a study published by the Journal of Sex Research, researchers found that individuals who experienced lower levels of stress and were better able to regulate their nervous system reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction (Lo, et al., 2019). This supports the idea that relaxation, safety, and calm are essential ingredients for deeper pleasure and satisfaction.
Additionally, Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory emphasises the role of the vagus nerve in emotional regulation and pleasure. According to Porges, when we are in a state of safety (as activated by the parasympathetic nervous system), we are more receptive to pleasure. The theory suggests that the vagus nerve is central to regulating our emotional state and our ability to connect deeply with ourselves and others.
Pleasure isn’t just a feeling—it’s a pathway. When your nervous system feels safe, it creates space for deeper, lasting pleasure. How safe does pleasure feel in your body? 💫
Somatic Practices to Cultivate Safety and Pleasure
Creating safety in the body requires both conscious effort and consistent practice. Here are some ways somatics can help unlock deeper pleasure:
Breathwork: Breathing deeply activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming the body and helping you drop into a relaxed state. This is essential for sexual pleasure, as a relaxed body is more receptive to sensation.
Self-Pleasure Practices: Self-pleasure isn’t just about genital stimulation—it’s about creating a safe, intimate space where you can explore your body, notice sensations, and tune into your desires. By focusing on your breath and exploring the full range of touch, you create a deep sense of safety and presence in your body.
Movement: Gentle, grounding movement—whether it’s stretching, rolling, or slow dancing—helps release physical tension and activates energy in your body. Movement can be an incredibly potent way to bring pleasure into your body, shifting you from performance mode to experience mode.
Body Scanning: This practice involves mentally scanning your body for areas of tension, discomfort, or numbness and gently inviting release and relaxation. When you release tension, you open the door to increased sensitivity and heightened pleasure.
How My Work Supports Your Journey
As a certified Somatic Sexologist, I guide my clients in connecting with their bodies on a deep, somatic level. In my work, I focus on integrating the nervous system with sensual exploration, helping you learn how to release tension, connect with your desires, and build a deeper relationship with your body. Through somatic practices, we can uncover the blocks that prevent you from fully experiencing pleasure, shifting your focus from performance to presence.
When we create safety within our bodies, we are more equipped to experience pleasure in its fullest form—whether that’s in intimate relationships, in moments of self-pleasure, or in everyday sensations.
By bringing awareness to your nervous system and grounding yourself in safety, you can unlock a whole new world of pleasure—one that is nourishing, connected, and deeply satisfying.
If this sounds like a pathway you want to create, contact Nikkiema here.
References:
Lo, H., et al. (2019). "Sexual Satisfaction and Psychological Functioning in Women with Higher and Lower Sexual Desire." Journal of Sex Research, 56(6), 755-762. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2019.1574699
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. Norton & Company.
