From People-Pleasing to Self-Prioritisation: Creating Boundaries with Love

For years, I prided myself on being the one who could do it all. I showed up for everyone: friends, family, work. Beneath the surface, and unknown to me, resentment quietly brewed.

To be fair, I wouldn’t have even considered myself a people pleaser - it was just ‘what you do’ for those you love. In amongst my covert people pleasing and my attempt to be-it-all, do-it-all for everyone else, I hadn’t realised I had actually succeeded in making myself feel invisible, overlooked, and exhausted. It wasn’t until I hit a breaking point (and adrenal fatigue) that I realised shockingly, that I WAS a people-pleaser, and the cost of my people-pleasing tendencies was that: I had completely lost touch with myself.

Learning to set boundaries was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Not because I felt a deep pull to appease everyone, but because of the deeply engrained habits I had, and the “it’s actually just easier if I do it myself” mentality. I know many of you feel this too!

It started small. The first time I said “no” to something I didn’t have the capacity for, I felt insurmountable guilt. It wasn’t just letting someone else down, it was admitting to myself that I needed that extra space and admitting to myself (or anyone) that I couldn’t do it all. But as I practiced, I began to notice something profound: every “no” to others was a “yes” to myself. And in that space, I started to reconnect with what I truly needed and desired.

Somatic practices played a huge role in this transformation.

They helped me tune into my body’s signals—the tightness in my chest when I was overcommitting, the heaviness in my shoulders when I was carrying too much. Self-pleasure became another way to reclaim my energy, a time to focus solely on my own joy and connection.

If you’re a chronic people-pleaser, start by pausing and asking yourself: “What do I need right now?” Your needs matter. And when you honor them, you’ll find that the world doesn’t fall apart—it actually begins to align. With each boundary you create, you make space for deeper self-trust and authenticity.

The relationships that remain will be ones built on genuine respect and mutual care, rather than obligation and silent resentment. This shift isn’t always easy, but over time, you will notice that your energy, your joy, and your sense of self deepen in ways that make life feel richer and more meaningful. Boundaries are not walls; they are invitations—to yourself and to others—to engage in relationships that are based on honesty, love, and mutual understanding.

You are worthy of your own time, space, and care.

And when you start prioritising yourself, you don’t lose love—you create the kind of love that truly nourishes.

Need help to find, feel, and honour, your own boundaries? Let me know.