Beyond Polarity: Where Dude Bro Culture Gets It Wrong
I’m going to start this article with the caveat that I love men. I adore men, infact. I also believe that some men should not be allowed to have podcasts, or platforms to so easily influence others, especially upcoming generations, with misleading and unfounded bs. Their takes on polarity often align along heavily gendered stereotypes and are rife in machismo, and sometimes chauvinistic. For the purpose of this article, I’m calling them “Dude Bros”
If you’ve dipped a toe into modern relationship advice, you’ve likely come across the concept of polarity**. It’s all about the dance between masculine and feminine energies, with one partner embodying strength and direction (masculine) and the other embodying flow and receptivity (feminine). On paper, it sounds straightforward. In practice? Polarity often gets oversimplified, particularly in spaces where “dude bro” culture dominates.
Polarity is a powerful framework when approached with nuance. However, the mainstream interpretation often reduces it to rigid roles and stereotypes:
The man must be the unwavering protector and provider.
The woman must be soft, surrendered, and submissive.
This oversimplification does more harm than good. It ignores the complexity of human relationships and the fluidity of individual energies. It ignores that each of us have masculinity and femininity within us to integrate. It can also perpetuate toxic dynamics, where “masculinity” becomes synonymous with control and dominance, and “femininity” with passivity and compliance.
And - I get the appeal. If only it could be so easy as being more submissive to attract the perfect frame holding masculine to lead and look after me. If only I could be so feminine to outsource my decision making and responsibilities to my bear of a man so willing to protect and provide. For some, maybe it will be that easy. Let's be realistic though, at best, that's a whole lot of outsourcing and bypassing on one side, and a whole lot of pressure and or control on the other side.
Polarity culture can be dangerous and disconnecting when it’s not understood and integrated with integrity.
True polarity isn’t about adhering to inflexible roles; it’s about integrating the whole of the self and cultivating authentic presence. Here’s how to move beyond the stereotypes:
Presence Over Performance:
Connection thrives when both partners are deeply present. This presence doesn’t require you to conform to a role but to show up fully as yourself, tuned into your body, emotions, and partner.
The Dance of Fluidity:
Polarity isn’t fixed. Partners of any gender can switch between leading and following, giving and receiving. This flexibility reflects the realities of life and the richness of shared connection.
Somatic Awareness:
Using somatic practices—like self pleasure, breathwork, movement, and body awareness—helps each person tune into their own energy and the dynamic interplay with their partner.
The dude bro approach to polarity often focuses on external posturing—think chest-thumping masculinity or exaggerated feminine softness. Real polarity comes from within. It’s not about how you look or act; it’s about the energy you bring into the relationship. Sometimes it’s not seen at all, just felt.
When you instead cultivate inner presence and authenticity in relationships, the connection between partners deepens naturally. This is where somatic practices shine, offering tools to:
Regulate your nervous system, so you can approach your partner with calm and grounded energy.
Explore what feels authentic to you in each moment, rather than trying to “perform” polarity.
Build intimacy through embodied connection, not through playing roles.
Research from The Gottman Institute supports this approach, highlighting how emotional attunement strengthens trust and intimacy within relationships.1
It’s time to leave behind outdated and overly simplistic notions of polarity. Instead, let’s embrace a model of relationship that prioritises authenticity, emotional attunement, and shared growth. Because the truth is, the strongest relationships aren’t built on rigid roles—they’re built on real connection.
Polarity, when understood and embodied in an integrated way, has the potential to profoundly impact how we relate to ourselves and our partners. Rather than relying on rigid roles, true polarity is about deepening presence, emotional attunement, and embodied awareness. This is something I actively work with and teach—helping people explore these dynamics through a somatic lens, so they can cultivate relationships that feel deeply connected, balanced, and authentic.
If your relationships would benefit from understanding this in your own body, contact Nikkiema here.
.1 The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/
** Polarity, in the context of relationships, refers to the dynamic interplay between masculine and feminine energies. It is often described as the attraction that arises when two people embody complementary energies—one leaning into direction, structure, and presence (masculine), while the other embraces flow, receptivity, and expression (feminine). When understood with nuance, polarity can help partners cultivate deep connection and magnetism. However, when oversimplified, it can reinforce rigid gender roles and unhealthy power dynamics.
For a more in-depth and balanced exploration of polarity, check out John Wineland’s work on embodied intimacy and conscious relationships: John Wineland - The Art of Masculine & Feminine Embodiment.
